I guess this will be my journal. Since finding a pen in this house is so dang hard, even after buying a pack of them.
The day started out...bad. I slept horrible, well barely any at all. The baby woke up 5 or 6 times. I ended up having to bring her to bed with me, which results in very little sleep for me since she kicks me all the time. I had a horrible headache early this morning, I took some Ibuprofen, then I woke up & it was still there, so I took more. 7 total before 10am.
I've got two kids who are fighting with each other, a 6month old & a two year old....how the heck that works out, blows my mind. But, I guess siblings will always find a way to fight.
My daughter started choking, on what? I have no clue, I ended up having to beat her back to get her to spit it out, only nothing came out but spit up & some weird flem like stuff.
Afterwards, she was attached to me, every time I tried to sit her down, she screamed bloody murder.
I walk into my sons room this morning & there's dog poop smeared all over the damn walls. As if playing in his own poop wasn't bad enough, he made smelly, disgusting wall art with the dogs shit. I struggle with myself, because I remember being told I was so many things when I was little that it has harmed the way I see myself today. So, when I have done everything, say it's nasty, disgusting, make him clean it up, everything else... I finally feel like I'm at my breaking point. I tell my son, you're a bad boy, that's disgusting. I see his lip quiver & that's the worst feeling inside. I want to hold him & tell him that I didn't mean that, I just said it so that he would get the hint that playing in poop is NOT good behavior.
So now, I've had barely any sleep, with an extremely cranky baby & an upset 2yr old. Both are screaming & throwing fits & antagonizing each other. I'm trying to clean up the poop, let the dogs outside, feed the kids...all the while... now I feel like I'm very anxious & I can't breathe.
I was supposed to have a play date today, but I just don't feel like going anywhere. Nap time comes early, we all lay down. I have a few nightmares... "day" mares, as I call them. I wake up covered in sweat, shivering, shaking & I feel like I'm gasping for air. I lay in bed, while baby plays in her crib... try to ignore how I'm feeling & get up.
It's 4:37pm right now, I have yet to change out of my night clothes.
The day has still yet to end...I wish I could crawl under my covers & wait another day to get this one right.